3 Reasons Why Positive Thinking is Making You More Miserable, and How to Have True Happiness in Life

Juliet Tang 

Are You Faking It?

Have you ever forced yourself to be positive when you really wanted to punch a pillow or tell the world to screw off instead?

Maybe you are desperately trying to live by the mantra of “positivity thinking kills negativity,” or don’t want to appear like an ungrateful jerk when you receive the 3rd wedding invitation in the mail after your last messy breakup. Perhaps you obsess over teachings from Law of Attraction gurus about cultivating positive thoughts so you can attract positive things, or feel ashamed to show your true feelings because every person on your social media is smiling like Christmas came early for them and makes you question your own sanity.

I have committed almost every single one of the “forced positivity” listed above in the past, and much more.

Don’t get me wrong, positive thinking is a beautiful thing, and it is essential for all of us to take care of our vibration for multiple reasons. However, being fixated on the idea “I must think positive regardless of how I am truly feeling” may just make you more miserable. 

Why? And how to turn it around?

1.    It Creates Bypassing

I cannot tell you how much spiritual bypassing forced positivity has created in many which often results in increased anxiety and self-blame leading to inevitable self-doubt of, “What is wrong with me and shouldn’t I be more grateful?” In case you are not familiar with spiritual bypassing, it is when we skip the necessary self-work in order to chase after the end result of that work which usually is genuine joy, inner-peace, bliss, etc. 

The goodness which we all desire in life is more of a result of having performed a deep emotional house cleaning to free ourselves from baggage. So when you are constantly avoiding the unwanted emotions stemming from past wounds and current experiences, you are actually skipping the work you need in order to get to that good feeling place! 

Worse, that energy you try so hard to bypass is not going anywhere when you sweep it under the rug and will come back again and again to bite you in the butt until it is processed. 

This is one of the reasons why those who rely solely on affirmations or meditation as means of escape without having confronted their inner demons find it difficult to achieve the same results after a while, and the reason is because they are not meant to be used as spiritual band-aids. 

Solution: Let it Out

Emotion is Energy in Motion. As Einstein stated long ago, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”

That means, when you experience the energy of anger, fear or anything you deem unpleasant, if your first reaction is to engage the often-times unconscious defense mechanisms (dissociation, projection, denial, repression, etc) in order not to feel, that energy which has a specific frequency gets stored in the body and does not have any opportunity to be released, processed or integrated.

The more you avoid facing negative emotions, the more that energy gets trapped in your system which creates all kinds of havoc. When this is done chronically, it creates energy blockages in your energy centers which manifest as mental, emotional and physical ailments.

A burning question you may have as you are reading this is, “Doesn’t the act of dwelling in negativity damage my health?”

The answer is an absolute yes. So here is the difference: when you are constantly throwing pity parties, you are coming from an unconscious victim mentality and perpetuating the victimhood cycle. If you, however, choose to set a time aside in a safe setting with the intention of honoring how you are feeling and being present with your emotions, you have stepped into the shoes of a conscious creator. These two vibrations are drastically different!!

Don’t be surprised to experience a pleasant shift in your energy when you truly embrace your emotions, and that is when you are more receptive to creative insights.  

I personally find when I fully allow myself to feel whatever comes up, after a while, it usually leads to genuine calmness and inner peace.

2.    It Creates More Negative

Many who have an incomplete understanding of Law of Attraction (technically, it is Laws of Attraction since there are multiple universal laws in operation when it comes to using thoughts to create reality) believe since like attracts like, we need to always be in a joyful state in order to attract more awesomeness into life. 

While this is all true, what you may not be aware of is that all the goodness in life only gets attracted to you if you have the energy of genuine, as opposed to forced positivity.

Given over 90% of your mental capacity is dominated by the unconscious mind which is the seat of all beliefs, experiences, memories and intuition, and since beliefs and thoughts create corresponding emotions, it doesn’t really matter what you are attempting to do with the limited conscious mind if you cannot take care of what is going on in the unconscious.

That means when the guy next door successfully sells all the spots for his upcoming luxury spiritual retreat, and your first reaction is, “Who does he think he is, that materialistic fake,” but instead you shove concepts like “love thy neighbor” and “we are all swimming in a giant soup of Oneness” down your throat in order to avoid feeling the unpleasant emotions of judgment and jealousy, that energy which comes from an underlying and most likely unconscious belief of lack will always come back to haunt, and create more lack.

You do not attract what you think you need or want. You attract who you are - your most predominant energy. 

Solution: Dive Deeper

After allowing yourself to feel, it is worth to do a bit of self-inquiry such as “Why am I feeling jealous? Is it because I believe life is unfair, or the guy is luckier and more capable than I am? 

It may then become, “I wish my parents were rich and gave me their business so I don’t have to struggle in life.” 

Keep going. Write down every layer of your thoughts. Be brutally honest

Eventually, ask yourself, “What is it that I must have to believe in about myself and the world in order to create my initial reaction?

It probably will look something like, “I believe the world is full of lack and I cannot receive everything I want” or “I believe prosperity is only for nasty and greedy folks instead of the kind ones.”

Now the party really begins. It boils down to taking complete self-responsibility, and turning every light on in your emotional house and giving the space a thorough inspection to see what limiting beliefs are generating unpleasant emotions, and what you can do to reprogram them rather than forcing yourself to fake happiness and acceptance.

3.    Negativity Serves a Higher Purpose

I use the terms good/bad and positive/negative rather loosely in my speech as everything is relative in life. There is no true positivity or negativity from the perspective of your higher self because it only sees perfection in all; in this life, however, there is what serves you, and what doesn’t.

Some of the best things in my life came out of embracing the most negative experiences.

When I was at my last soul-sucking job under two bosses that resembled the relentless Agents from the Matrix, I kept on telling myself to look at the positives such as “I got a pay check” (so I could put food on the table, have a roof to sleep under and wake up miserable again, yay) or “I worked close to home” (which enabled me to spend more time sulking and complaining about the Agents and the killer sentinels over texts with coworkers).

After a decade of forced positivity while having made myself a permanent home at rock bottom, I finally realized I was trying to conceal burning coals with a thin piece of paper that said, “This isn’t so bad, just look at the positives.” Eventually, the fire blew up and led to a series of most scary yet miraculous decisions in my life that allowed me to reclaim my freedom in every way.

Along the path, I have encountered dear and courageous souls who after embracing the negativity in their lives be it cancer, addictions or failed suicide attempts, are dedicating their lives to service humanity by creating campaigns to support research for psychedelics or opening spiritual retreats to inspire and empower others.

Solution: Use Negativity as a Springboard

Contrary to the common belief, there is nothing frightening about negative emotions because emotions cannot hurt you. Emotions are components of your internal guidance system which is an extension of Universal Intelligence. Whenever you feel, you are literally receiving an intuition from your higher self as to whether you are heading in a direction that is aligned with it, or meandering too far from it. 

Ultimately, every negative emotion and rock bottom serves the purpose of revealing to you that you alone have the power to choose the quality of your life whether it is to change the direction of your course, or change your perspective of how you experience things.

You can either continue to convince yourself to stay positive while bury your true emotions, or face whatever situation you are in head-on, own it with absolute sincerity and 100% responsibility, then do something about it.

Complete and utter liberation follows the moment you whole-heartedly own everything that shows up in your life as something you have created on some level whether consciously or unconsciously. By confronting your worst nightmares and inviting the emotions as well as the lessons underneath into your life, you are reclaiming your infinite power of creation and announcing to the universe, "I created that, now I can use that power to create something else.”

Just like that, the negativity you have been afraid to face can now set you free.

Some Final Thoughts

We are taught to fear the shadow because we do not truly understand it. Those who dive into the shadow with curiosity and openness will always discover hidden keys to wisdom and greater liberation for the simple reason that darkness in life is not meant to crush you, it is meant to invite you into this space where the old can be destroyed so the new can be built. It is meant to wake you up.

“The ego says, ‘I shouldn’t have to suffer,’ and that thought makes you suffer so much more. It is a distortion of the truth, which is always paradoxical. The truth is that you need to say yes to suffering before you can transcend it.” – Eckhart Tolle

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The First Law: "Everything gives rise to its opposite"

"If the ruling hierarchy of a world or a ration does not prepare for the inevitable counter attack at the same time it prepares for an assault on any defended position in life, it will mort surely meet with final defeat. This law which makes necessary such provision holds good in every department of life, cosmic or individual. If man neglects to prepare for the negative action of a positive act in the line of religions, business, personal, or family life, it matters not how successful may be the first effects of his positive act, he will be caught in the toils of the negative action of the force he has set in motion as surely as the sun rises and sets each day. It takes humanity a long time to learn to apply the knowledge it has gained of mechanical laws to those problems, which most closely concern his mental and spiritual progress. If the progress of higher orders of life must depend upon their knowledge of the action of the raid laws, what chance has the average man of the world to win and keep what he has won as aids in progression if he refuses or neglects to act in accordance with the demands of those laws, and consequently makes no commensurate effort to protect and hold that to which he aspires to the effort he has put forth to win the same? The great failures in all fields of life lie at the doors of indolence or of ignorance of the one vital necessity for success, ie. preparation for the inevitable rebound of the force or object set in motion. Indolence or excessive self-confidence will leave man open to disaster, when normal sane methods of procedure in meeting the reaction of a precipitated force with a like ratio of strength and endurance to that set free in precipitation would bring success. You will fend the name laws govern every phase of life, if you search deeply enough. Life in action is never singular; it is always dual. Consequently, no greater service can be given to those units of humanity who have had no opportunity for absorbing knowledge of the action of this law than by giving constant, unremitting effort to supply this deficiency." - Teachings of The Temple, Lesson 242

Rose, I needed to see this. Thanks so much for posting this great information.

So many do tell us to not feel or think negatively. Well that's easier said than done. Now, I feel I have permission to allow it, and ask the questions, and then go on back to my positive thinking. Asking the questions gets to the answers you need to change the course.

.

Great article Rose. Thank you for sharing

Thanks to you for being here ♥

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Our job is to clear resistance to what we want --higher vibrational reality.

Get excited and give thanks BEFORE it manifests.

Be bold--and mighty forces will come to your aid.

For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.

What lies behind you and what lies before you are tiny matters compared to what lies within you.

You are only as comfortable as you believe you deserve to be.

What you chase will flee from you, what you resist will persist and what you invalidate you will absolutely empower.

 In every moment is a choice of Love or fear.

The lie is to say "I did not create this"

Heaven is visible for all those who wish to see it.

Do not think you can direct the course of Love, for if it finds you worthy, it will direct yours.

There is no need to go looking for Love when that is where you are coming from.

Look at what is troubling you and you will only find things you shouldn't be doing.

You cannot control anything for which you haven't assumed full responsibility.

It is always only at the end when one finds that the answer was in the approach.

The very thing that is continually sabotaging your efforts is your attachment to results.

The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thinking.

Obedience in Love fulfills all lesser laws.

Renunciation is equivalent to possession.

To have what you've never had before, you need to do something you've never done.

The ordering of the mind is the ordering of the Universe.

All rising to a great place is via a winding stair.

A lie is simply that which is its own evidence.

Just because something doesn't exist does not necessarily mean it can't be a useful tool.

Happiness is not an outcome - it is a choice - a choice of doing what needs doing right now with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul.

To find out more about your true purpose, learn to monitor and examine your thoughts and discover what your mind is presenting to you that is leading you astray or sabotaging your efforts.

When you are in alignment with your true purpose, what you KNOW, what you SEE, what you SAY, what you LOVE, what you THINK, what you FEEL and what you DO are all the same thing.

If you wouldn't tolerate a robber in your house, why would you allows negative thoughts to reside in  your mind ?

 The ONLY thing you really need to "master" is the NOW. Everything you need - indeed all your control is in this present moment. Learn to go within the NOW and you will never go without again.

It is only in SILENCE that you will hear what the universe most wants to tell you. The rest of the time, that message is drowned out by the din of your own thoughts.

A sufficiently strong desire can bring you anything you want - but beware: Make absolutely sure that it is something you will love - not just something you THINK you will love.

One of the secrets of success is to always know the inevitable reaction that always follows any given action and be prepared for it.

You become what you think about most - and the greatest secret is that you will never know what that is.

Things are rarely what they appear to be. The universe is a paradox and so will only grant life to that which is also paradoxical.

We are reflections of the very process we seek to understand. Know THYSELF.

 If you wish to become the best YOU you can be, then the coincidence of the your reality with your own thoughts is the nature of the threshold to be crossed.

It is not impossible to understand that which is authentic and interdimensional with a mentality where such breadth of function is denied by ego.

The most important focus is on the personal ability manifest thought.This is the sole attribute of [a] man that will endow him with the ability to negotiate the circumstances being increasingly identified from various sources. However, it is not enough to “visualize peace.” One must be able to invest one’s libido or vital force in the posture of “having already created a circumstance of peace,” in which one has already transacted one’s life. One must live out a script which is not punctuated with a final period at death.

If there is ONE thing that can be deemed to be your greatest enemy - it is your own ego. Do all things with Love for others in mind - and the power of Love will protect you from life's fiercest storms.

If you really wish to help yourself, but cannot work out HOW, then simply help others. We are all ONE on the higher levels of being and by helping others, you actually help YOURSELF.

If you are making a request to the universe (or praying) for something, know that it is only requests that ask TO love that will be answered, not ones that ask FOR love.

Realise that if you rely on your past experience or knowledge for the attainment of some outcome, then the results of that outcome can never be better than the previous ones.

Every moment of your life is a gift. Be careful what you exchange it for. Don't invest your life and soul into something that will not benefit you.

Dream your life and LIVE your dreams. If you immerse yourself in your desire so much that you forget you don't have it, you will get it. This is due to the Law of Equivalence of Form.

Learn to go within and you will never go without again.

Learn to see the blessings in everything that happens. Sometimes they are very difficult to find, but you will find them if you look hard enough.

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